Saturday, April 11, 2015

WE WEREN'T READY!

I still remember the very moment I got the call from my dad telling me that my brother Chaddy had taken his own life. In that instance our entire family was changed forever. I was in disbelief at first and told my dad they needed to check again and that he really wasn't gone. When the reality finally set in that he was gone, I threw up about 3 times and then couldn't stop sobbing. My first emotion was anger, how could he do this to everyone? What a selfish thing to do to everyone you love? The hurt my heart felt that day and is feeling still is like no pain I have ever experienced before. 
We are a very close family and this was totally unexpected. Chaddy always struggled with anxiety and depression but April 7, 2015 something snapped inside of him that was more than he could handle. I know he is in a better place and he is in the arms of a loving Heavenly Father.
Chad S. Huntsman
1977-2015 Obituary
 Chad S. Huntsman Obituary
Chad S. Huntsman 
"One Deuce"
Chad Steven Huntsman, 37, passed away April 7, 2015 in South Jordan, Utah. He will be forever remembered by his big smile, contagious laugh, and generous heart. Chad was loved by many and will be greatly missed, especially by his wife and children, who were the joy and light of his life. Chad was born August 25, 1977 in Salt Lake City, Utah to Steven and Mary Huntsman. He grew up in West Valley City and graduated from Cyprus High School, where he was All-State in football, basketball and baseball. He later graduated from Southern Utah University, where he played safety on the football team. He wore the number 12 throughout his athletic career, and the number became his nickname to family and friends. He married the love of his life, Leslie Monroe, May 11, 2001 in the Manti Temple. Chad adored Leslie, who loved him unconditionally. Chad was a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, where he served in numerous callings, most recently as a youth Sunday School teacher.He enjoyed the outdoors and was an avid hunter. The highlight of his days was spending time with his three children, Hallee, Hope and Miles. Chad's radiant personality and love was felt by everyone he knew. He always went out of his way to make people feel loved and appreciated. He is survived by his wife, Leslie; daughters, Hallee and Hope; son, Miles; parents, Steven and Mary Huntsman; brothers, Kelly (Stacy) Huntsman, Kyle (Hilary) Huntsman; sister, Amanda (Chad) Bawden; parents-in-law, Lee and Mary Monroe; brothers-in-law, James (Karen) Monroe, Scott (Eryn) Monroe; sister-in-law Katie (Jake) Stephenson; and 18 nieces and nephews, whom he loved dearly.Funeral services will take place Saturday, April 11, 2015, 12:00 noon at the South Jordan Parkway LDS Stake Center, 9894 S. 2700 W., South Jordan, Utah where viewings will take place at that location on Friday, April 10, 2015, 5 to 8 p.m, and Saturday, 9:30 to 11:30 a.m. prior to the funeral. Interment will take place at the Scipio Cemetery, Scipio, Utah. Arrangements under the direction of McDougal Funeral Home.
Published in Salt Lake Tribune on Apr. 10, 2015




The viewing was from 5:00 PM to 8:00 PM. We had so many people show up to pay their respects to Chaddy that the line was a 2 1/2 hour wait. People came at 4:30 PM and then the viewing went until 10:00 PM. 
Hallee was so strong and brave. We all wore our #12 necklaces 
in honor of you Chaddy!
Hope had a really hard time and stayed by your casket most the night!
Miles also stayed by your casket and would talk to you and touch you.
I know through several tender mercies we have witnessed him telling us all he is okay. But it doesn't take the hurt, the deep aching hurt and pain away. When I was asked to speak at his funeral, I hadn't stopped crying in 3 straight days. I was really struggling and words cannot even begin to describe how much my heart was aching. How on earth would I ever get through speaking at his funeral, how could I hold myself together when I felt completely broken. When I told each of the kids that their daddy would be at the funeral and told them if they could talk to just him one more time what would they tell him and to write it down.

 As I read messages from my sweet nieces and talked to Miles about their daddy, it was so comforting to me. So much strength and faith in three little kids, their parents have raised them right. Their strength and courage has helped me and comforted me more than they will ever know.
Dad, 
I love your snuggles because you gave the best snuggles 
I love that you always make me smile and laugh 
I love that you play catch with me
I love that you tickle me
I love that you make me chicken noodle soup from the can 
I love you because you my best friend dad
I love that you play Lego’s with me
I love that you play ball with me
I love going hunting with you but I don’t have a real gun
I want to see you dad but I know you are with Jesus and
Heavenly Father and they are taking care of you so I am happy.
Miles
Dad,
             I love you and miss you so much! I know that it was really hard and I’m just happy that you don’t have to feel that that pain anymore and you don’t have to suffer. If there was one last thing I could say to you, I would say how much I love you. I’m sorry; I didn’t think that I would miss you so much and that you meant so much to me until you were gone. You did so much and you were so patchent with me. And I know that I am the luckiest little girl in the world because I have the best mom and dad EVER! I don’t feel like you’re gone, I feel like you are right beside me and you are watching over me and I know that you are. I am so happy that I can see you again. I know that I’m just like you; athletic, funny, stuburn and I’m so happy that I can always have a part of you with me. I also know that it wasn’t your fault because you loved us so much! And I promise I will think of you every single day! The thing I loved the most about you is that you always relised the little things! I promise I’ll take care of mommy! I love you!
                                                                        Hopey
Dear My Beloved Daddy,
          I don’t even know where to start. How about with I love you! Dad, I love you more than the world itself. You are and will always be my everything. You are my light; you give me the strength to keep moving. You are my number one. I had the time of my life with you. I have so many amazing memories with you and I would relive every single one of those with you if I could. I feel like the luckest person ever that I got to have you as a father. I feel bad for the people that didn’t get to have you as a dad because they are missing out big time! I love your smile. It is the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen in my life, and I have seen a lot of beautiful things. Anyway, the love that I have for you I can’t even put in words. I can’t express the love and gratitude I have for you and your sweet heart. Daddy, I know that you are not suffering anymore and you are in not good but GREAT hands. Because of Heavenly Fathers Plan I will get to see you again and I will hold you tight again. Or you will hold me whatever. But we can hold each other. There are so many people that loved you to death and all of us are just so thankful that you are now happy and free from worry. I adore you. I bet you are the most handsome angel in all of heaven. I will remember you and always know you are right by my side every step of the way. Dad, there are so many things that I adore about you and I could go on and on forever writing what a great person you are, but I just want to leave telling you that you are my hero. Dad I love you with all my heart and soul.
                                                                   With sincer love,
                                                                   Your Hallee Girl
Anyone who knew Chaddy well knew he was an all or nothing kind of guy. When he started doing Facebook, he went crazy posting over and over on Facebook to the point we would all tease him about it. I even told him at one point I was going to de-friend him if he didn’t stop. I still remember the day Les called me to tell me that Chaddy proclaimed his love for her on Facebook. She was so embarrassed and we couldn’t stop laughing because she and I had talked about how we hated when people did this very thing. She was so touched and grateful that he wrote what he did about her but so embarrassed everyone on Facebook saw it. But how thankful I am now that we have the words straight from the mouth of Chaddy telling his sweetheart the love he had for her.  
I love this beautiful, amazing woman with all of my heart. I am so blessed to have her in my life. I don't tell her enough how very grateful I am for being such a wonderful wife and mother to our children. Leslie, you are my best friend and soul mate and I don't know what I would do without you. You are everything a guy could ask for and more. I love you so much for always being there for me and for the kids. You are the best mommy in the world and our kids adore you so much. If our girls grow up and have half the qualities that you possess they will be very lucky. The best part of my day is coming home and seeing your wonderful smile and being able to hug you and the kids in my arms. Thank you for the way that you love me and for being so patient over the years. Every year that passes, I fall in love all over again with you. The good times and the bad times makes our relationship stronger and our family closer together. You are not only gorgeous on the outside but so beautiful on the inside. You make me so happy. I appreciate your unselfishness with everything you do to put the kids and myself first. You are a great example and I am so fortunate to call you my wife. From here to eternity!
Chaddy,
       I miss you so much and I would give anything to just talk to you one more time. I am going to miss your smile, sense of humor and your pranks. I am going to miss you laughing with me because you always said I laughed at anything and everything even if it was stupid. I am going to miss you begging me to clean your car for you because you tried to convince me you couldn’t clean it as good as me. I am going to miss Sunday dinners at dad and mom’s. You always had the biggest plate of potatoes, gravy and meat, you had dishing up that plate down to a science. Then the signature Chaddy moan as you took each and every bite of your totoes and gravy. Then how fast you said you had to go to the bathroom to get out of dishes because you weren’t a dish kind a guy!
I am going to miss stealing and hiding dad’s drink during Sunday dinner. He never saw it coming and we knew by the smile we gave each other across the table that one of us had already taken his drink and he had no idea. We just sat and waited for dad to find out and then made him say, “I love chichon” to get it back. No matter which one of us took his drink it always ended back to Les and once dad said “I love chichon,” Les would take a sip and hand it back to him all while Ky told us to grow up.
I am going to miss all the calls to my hubby to come and fix things or watching you giggle as Bawdy starting dripping in sweat the second he picked up a tool. I am going to miss slamming on my breaks on any road to take a picture if I saw a buck because I couldn’t wait to text you the picture. You would call back in less than 30 seconds to see where I saw the buck so you could go find it. 

I am going to miss laughing about our SUU school days because we had so much fun down there together. I am going to miss your break out dance sessions and air guitar concerts. I am going to miss all your bright and wild clothes, crazy shoes and bling; if Kelly was embarrassed to stand by you, then that just made your crazy outfit that much better in your eyes. 
I am going to miss when you had a new song you loved. You would listen to the song over and over but it never bothered me because I do the same thing. I am going to miss how you made everyone you meet feel like they were your best friend. I am going to miss you telling me to stop being so high strung and just relax and enjoy life and put my highlighted calendar and to do list away.
I am going to miss your competitive Huntsman side. It didn’t matter what race or I was training for, you always told me that you didn’t even have to train and you would show up and still beat me. You loved winning just as much as I do, must be our Huntsman blood. I am going to miss your tender side and loving heart. Your kind words of advice and love when I was having a hard time was always followed by a joke about how it could be worse Sissy because you could have a big nose like yours and mom’s. 
I am going to miss playing cards with you. You taught me everything I know about 21 and you would always push me over a few chips when I lost all of mine. I am going to miss you coming over to my house and moving things out of place just to see how long it would take me to fix it. I am going to miss our hot dog roasts at mom and dad’s. I am going to miss you hiding and jumping out to try and scare mom, which she jumped and screamed every time without fail. 
I am going to miss watching you with my kiddos, they loved you. Uncle Kelly did everything to win Paislee over but she would still tell him that Uncle Chaddy was still her favorite uncle. I am going to miss watching you hug your kids because they absolutely adore you. I am going to miss the way you looked and loved Les, she was your entire world. 
I am going to miss the nicknames you gave everyone but I will especially miss hearing, “I love you Sissy!” 
Remember when mom and dad dropped me off at SUU and I cried and cried and wanted to go back home. I called mom and begged her to come back and get me. So you called mom and told her I would be okay and you came right over to comfort me. You said to mom that this wasn’t forever because I could always come back home. Now it’s my turn to tell mom and dad that Chaddy is okay and this isn’t forever, Grandma and many others are with him and they will comfort him until we all go back home!
I am so grateful for the knowledge I have and it has never meant more to me than it does now because I know I will see you again. My heart aches and a small piece will never completely heal. But I find comfort in knowing I will see that smile again one day and I will cherish all the wonderful memories I have until then!
We all released a #12 balloon the day we buried you!
After your funeral Prescott asked when I was going to stop crying and I don't know how to answer him. My heart just hurts so bad and I miss you so much that the tears won't stop!
Being on the receiving end of getting help has always been something I have struggled with.
But my heart is completely full with gratitude for the continuous love my little family, my parents, my brothers and their families, Leslie, my nieces, nephew and Leslie's family have all received during this hard time.
 The countless calls, endless texts, kind FB messages, beautiful flowers, gorgeous planters, fruit baskets, cards, heart attacks, treats, drinks, statues, pictures, basket of sunshine, meals, gifts and money donated has been absolutely overwhelming and so very humbling.
  I feel so blessed that we have so many wonderful family and friends in our lives that have wrapped their arms around us and embraced our entire family during this extremely hard time. 
We have felt so much love for our families and for Chaddy, it has helped all of us more than you will ever know. 
Thank you! My heart has never ached or hurt this bad but I have also never felt the Spirit stronger, witnessed so many tender mercies or been comforted more in my entire life.
 We love you Chaddy and WE WEREN'T READY. We miss you so much and we want you back but I know we will see you again brother!
 He's not gone, he's just gone AHEAD. I absolutely love this. I do know the pain of burying someone you love so much and how life is never the same without them. But mourning with others that mourn is an undeniable bond that I'm very grateful for. These are the people who love you and your family and then help carry you when they are also suffering from the loss of someone they loved as well. Anxiety and depression are real, mean and very ugly. We might not even know the extreme hurt or silent pain someone is having because it is hidden behind a handsome face and beautiful smile. But I do know that this journey in life isn't supposed to be easy but knowing where Chaddy is and that I WILL see him again one day makes my journey a little bit easier to live with. Knowing there is a plan and now trusting in the plan because this is how we learn and grow. Chaddy's not gone, he's just gone AHEAD!









1 comment:

Tiffany said...

Holy smokes. There are no words right now. I came to your blog knowing you would have blogged about Chad. I'm so very sorry. What an amazing tribute to your brother.